“I own a lot of cars, so please love me, Michigan.”

So the Republican Party in the US are in the middle of their primaries, and in fact, Michigan and Arizona are having their votes today, the polls closing in a little over respectively one and two hours at the time of writing. I’ll have a more comprehensive post on the primaries out in time for Super Tuesday, but for now let’s just take a moment to reflect on the sort of utterly inane campaign strategy that could lead to this:

… and this:

If Romney wins in Michigan, it will not be because of, but in spite of those performances. My guess is that there must at one point have been a brainstorm meeting at the Romney HQ that went something like this:

Campaign Manager: “So… Michigan. Anyone?”

Everyone: “…”

Strategist 1: “We could give Mitt one of those silly cheese hats for his next speech?”

Strategist 2: “I think those are from Wisconsin.”

Strategist 1: “Oh.”

Everyone: “…”

Strategist 2: “What about cars? They make cars in Michigan. Or they used to.”

Campaign Manager: “Okay. Cars. We can work with that.”

Strategist 1: “Yeah, let’s have Mitt talk about all the cars he and his wife own. To show that he’s just one of the average guys, you know.”

Strategist 2: “And then we’ll do an ad about how they used to be really good at making cars, but now they basically suck. They’ll love that.”

Campaign Manager: “Brilliant! I think we’ve got this one wrapped up.”

I’m convinced that’s exactly how that meeting went.

In other and unrelated news, I’ll go out on a limb and predict a significant win for Rick Santorum in Michigan.

(PS. Comedy Central: I’m available as a script writer. Call me!)

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